Life is To Short!

Tonight we learned that one of our favorite Lts from the correctional complex where I work was killed in a motorcycle accident on his way home from work today. A 47 year old father, husband, son, boss, friend, brother.... hard to wrap your mind around it. Brings to mind the Billy Joel song; 'Only the good die young' and how we never know when our time here is over. I'm sure he didn't hop on his bike and head home thinking that it might be the last time he gets to feel the wind on his face, hear the sound of his wife's voice over the phone, maybe listen to his favorite song on the radio.

Four years ago in June, my oldest sister was killed in her home in Sacramento, CA. In April of that year, my brother in law called to tell me that she wanted to separate and that she was being 'stubborn' and insisting on time apart, maybe even a divorce after 24 years of marriage. I told him that I was going to call Rachel and talk to her, he assured me that by my doing that would push her right over the edge and I should just 'keep her in my prayers.' I spoke to my sister over the phone many times... and we emailed EVERY day some times four and five times a day. We could crack each other up like no one else could. But never once did I get on a plane and fly down to visit, never once did I just come out and bluntly ask her what was going on. Just waited for her to tell me... when waiting was the wrong thing to do. On June 17th my brother in law used a heavy book to bludgeon her into submission, then proceeded to suffocate her to death with is his bare hands, then wrapped saran wrap around her head for good measure. Other things came out in the autopsy report that are better left alone. I spoke to my sister on the 16th via email... she emailed me back a couple of times, and the last one she sent at 9:30 that night was about her heart and how it was hurting her. I didn't receive it until the following morning after I received word that she had been killed.

Not a day goes by that I wish I had picked up that phone to call her on Friday afternoon like I had thought about doing but got caught up in the daily life of home instead. I wish I had paid more attention to all of her, in hindsight, hints that she had dropped to me... but I was too blind to see. My sister died at the age of 46. And the bastard that took her life, he is serving a fifteen year term for 2nd degree murder.

I know that I don't stop and tell my kids I love them as much as I should. I don't stop and tell my husband that I adore him and that I'm grateful for him in my life. I don't pause in my flight out the door everyday to stop and feel the sun on my face or notice the new sprouts of grass on the lawn where Dan reseeded it this fall. But I do try to call my little sister every day... or text her or message her on Facebook. I want her to know that I think of her at least once a day. I leave a note on the counter for the girls and Dan every day to say 'I love you.' I touch my children while they sleep in their beds late at night when I get home, to assure them hopefully on some sub conscience level that they are loved by me. I do try and touch bases with my friends weekly, some times only monthly, but I DO try.

I know that our Lt is off on other business right now, and that we will see him again. But this is a time for us to take a breath, to stop and feel the sun on our face, smell the scent of our children's hair when you kiss them on the head and tell them that you love them. To turn to your spouse and touch their cheek or curl up against them in the bed at night and bask in their warmth. To savor that bite of chocolate or to rejoice in the promise of a new day.

Now is the time to take a deep breath and relish in the fact that you can.